The Mindful Bride
Written By Adrienne Early
Wedding Planning Does not have to be Stressful
I never thought that I was the kind of girl to have the big wedding and get into all the bridal fanfare. Well, I shouldn’t say never. I wanted and imagined the big wedding day in my 20s, but as a 36-year-old bride who is about to say “I do” for the first time, I had thought I was over all that and would do something small and subtle. After all the weddings I had attended over the years, watching friends and friends of friends get married, I thought it was exciting, but also thought there’s no way I’m dealing with all that; the showers, the perceived stress, the silly bachelorette party, not to mention the expense. But one thing that’s been ringing truer as I get older: never say never.
Once I met the right man, the big wedding slowly started creeping into my head and wouldn’t leave. I picked up a couple of bride magazines in the airport gift shop on the way back from our vacation in Mexico, where we got engaged. For years I would occasionally thumb through the pages of wedding gowns and flowers at the newsstand, but now I had a legitimate reason to buy them without feeling silly. And the main attraction for me in these magazines: the dress. Now I’m not the girliest of girls out there. I drink bourbon and like to target shoot with my handgun, but I do love to shop and I’ve always envisioned the wedding gown I would wear. So the dress was certainly in the forefront of my mind, but that was a must no matter what type of wedding I would have.
Jason, my fiancé, and I started mulling over what kind of wedding we wanted to have once we returned from Mexico. It was February and there’s one thing we did know: we did not want a long engagement, so we decided to aim for a fall wedding. Obviously we couldn’t proceed with much planning until we decided what kind of wedding we would have. Initially I said “Let’s just go off the some Caribbean island or the shores of Lake Michigan with family and close friends and get married.” Jason was open to the destination idea but after a couple of days he told me that he actually preferred the big wedding. Somewhat taken aback, I started to think about the big wedding concept more and it wasn’t more than a few days later I decided that yes, that is what I wanted too. I realized that I didn’t want to have any regrets about not having all our friends and family come together and see Jason and I get married, followed by an amazing celebration afterwards. So that was it, we were going to do it. I was all in. Let the planning begin!
Choosing the Venue
When planning the big day there are many things to consider when selecting a wedding venue. Selecting the venue is a one of the biggest decisions for the wedding planner which finds wedding and reception venues for brides to be. It’s also a decision that needs to be made early in the process and sets the scene for many decisions thereafter. Knowing the atmosphere and backdrop that a bride wants is helpful before making appointments with potential vendors, especially if they are in a larger city where there are numerous options.
Of course, some brides have known for years where they want to marry and celebrate, but not every woman plans her wedding details from a little girl. So don’t be afraid seek out help from friends, family, and planners, but only the bride can envision the setting for her wedding.
If budget is a major issue scheduling an off season wedding during the winter can result in tremendous savings of rental and vendor fees. If a high end venue is out of the question receptions can be held in parks or other city sites for very low rates. Typically a city owned venue may rent for 80 to 90% less than a private venue. A private room in a restaurant could be free if food and drinks are purchased or may cost up to $500. Reception halls my rent for $300 to $3,000 or a venue at a high end hotel may rent for $2000 to $15,000.
The mood a bride wants at her wedding is very important. For example, old and romantic could mean a historic hotel or mansion. Contemporary and chic could mean an art museum or swanky hotel. Rustic or modern could be a renovated warehouse or lodge. Just as when agreeing to marry it is important to have the feeling of complete certainty when selecting a venue.
When having the ceremony and reception at the same location, it can offer some additional challenges but some fantastic savings and convenience for wedding guests. The brides and groom also need to be open to no break between the ceremony and reception.
Other factors to be considered are: can alcohol be brought in? What are the time limitations? Is selecting from a specific vendor list required? Most venues offer an extensive menu, but definitely review the menu before signing the contract. Also keep in mind that some vendors are more than willing to create something that’s not even on the menu to satisfy special requests. There are many things to consider when selecting a venue. The most important points to remember are to know what you require plan every detail and don’t be afraid to negotiate. Most venues are willing to be flexible in order to meet the needs of their customers and this will help ensure the most enjoyable experience possible.
Finding the Dress
As a wedding planner if there’s one part of the wedding planning process that most women think about years before they get engaged, it’s selecting the dress. Finding and purchasing a wedding gown is typically a very emotional experience for a bride, but, like all other elements of planning a wedding, practical decision-making should be a part of wedding dress shopping.
More than likely, a bride-to-be has thumbed through the pages of bridal magazines, thus having some ideas of what type of dress she wants for her big day. Most brides are inevitably surprised when some of the styles that they think they like don’t actually meet their expectations at a bridal boutique. Not to worry, there are styles that flatter every bride. But, before a bride heads out to the boutiques, she should really know her basic criteria in order to have a productive shopping experience. Some of these basics include: price range, designers, and style.
Larger boutiques, such as Kleinfeld’s in Manhattan or Bridal & Formal in Cincinnati, will assign a consultant to each bride who will ask all these questions upon arrival. Price range is the first question brides will be asked, so make sure you have a response to this question since most brides have a budget and wedding gown prices can vary significantly. Be aware that typically a sales consultant will select dresses for a bride that are at the upper end of her price range, some of which will be slightly beyond the high end. They do this because if a bride falls in love with a dress that is minimally to moderately beyond her price limits, she will more than likely make the purchase. So be prepared for these clever sales tactics and when to be firm with financial limitations.
Online research prior to shopping boutiques is recommended in order to learn designers of interest and costs. Designer Watters is an excellent example of gorgeous and trendy dresses with lots of price variety. Watters has two lines: Watters & Watters, their upscale, sophisticated line averaging $1,000-2,000, and Wtoo, the “price charming” trendy line averaging $500-1,200. Both lines are offer beautiful modern wedding gowns, where no bride can go wrong.
A factor that some brides may overlook is whether a particular dress style suits the venue atmosphere. Especially since more brides are having their ceremonies in more unique settings, such as museums, modern urban settings, old mansions, or an outdoor garden, brides want to ensure that their dress style doesn’t conflict with the venue style. A modern setting, such as an art museum or renovated warehouse, would call for a modern, sleek look (such as designer Amy Kuschel or J. Crew); whereas a more romantic & classic style (such as Priscilla of Boston or Mon Cheri ) would suit an old mansion or hotel, or garden setting.
And don’t forget about the accessories. When looking to shop smart for accessories, stay away from bridal boutique accessories that are often over-priced for the quality. If a bridal consultant outfits a bride with desirable accessories, usually the same look can be found at department stores, such as Macy’s, Dillard’s, or JC Penney. Websites such as usabride.com and etsy.com offers a variety of bridal jewelry and accessories for the stylish, modern bride.
Whatever style desired or price limitations, the dream dress is out there for every bride. Research and patients are crucial for successful wedding dress shopping, and all brides need to remember to enjoy every moment of the experience, even if it takes time to find the perfect dress.
Altering the Dress
After a bride finds her dream dress, she should begin the search for a tailor to fit her gown perfectly for her wedding day. This is a part of the wedding planning process that is not typically emphasized, but is essential so a bride can wear her gown to its greatest potential. Most brides do not realize the meticulous process of fitting a wedding gown until they go through the experience. Adrienne Smith of Meeting Planner Online understands the alteration process first hand and shares her insight and experience about this part of the wedding planning process.
Many bridal boutiques, from David’s Bridal nationwide to Ultimate Bride of Chicago, offer alteration services, of which a bride is not obligated to use. However, in-house alterations services are very convenient, less expensive, and typically do quality handy work. If alterations aren’t offered at the bridal shop where the dress was purchased, then this adds another step in the wedding planning process of finding a tailor or seamstress. Bridal boutiques that don’t offer in-house alterations will sometimes provide a few tailoring suggestions, but a reference from a friend or family member, and ideally from a previous bride with first-hand experience, is certainly ideal.
Unless your tailor is a close friend or family member, discuss all the business matters up front, such as cost, time frames, and number of fittings. A bride and her tailor may consider signing a contract that addresses expectations, dates, costs, the condition of the dress and that the dress is in the possession of the tailor (don’t forget to include the veil and any accessories). Most tailors will charge by the hour (average $20-30), and after the first meeting and seeing the gown, your tailor should be able to provide an estimate of how many hours alterations will require. Keep in mind that each fitting will take at least an hour, and often more time depending upon the complexity of the dress and alterations desired by the bride. Brides should plan on a minimum cost of $150 for alterations and can spend up to $400-500 if a gown requires more than the basic hem, bodice taken in/out, and bustle.
Two must-have items for your first fitting are shoes and undergarments that will be worn on the wedding day. Even down to the panties (seamless is always recommended), good tailors will insist they be worn to ensure successful fittings and smooth curves. A good tailor will have a bride move in her dress in a variety of ways that mimic wedding day actions, such as sitting, walking up and down steps, and even dancing. Simulating these behaviors gives a bride a better idea of how she will feel in her dress on her wedding day and what she can do or shouldn’t attempt!
Depending on how popular a tailor is with brides and time of year, a minimum of 3 months is recommended from first fitting to final fitting. It’s also wise to bring along a third party as another set of eyes, and if that person is the mother or grandmother of the bride, extra tissues are also recommended for this part of the wedding planning process is always emotional and definitely enjoyable.
Selecting the Photographer
The photographs are the one part of the big day that is permanently fixed into wedding day memories, which is all the more reason to take meticulous care in selecting a photographer during the wedding planning process. Start seeking out a photographer early on in the planning process, allowing 6 to 8 months, especially if the wedding is scheduled during the busy season, May through October. A reference to or first-hand experience with a photographer is the best way to make an informed choice. As part of a wedding party or a family member, spending the day with a photographer is truly the best way to get to know their skills and personality and determine if those characteristics meet your criteria.
If cost is a concern, there are ways to decrease expense, since a good photographer can be pricey. Anything below $1000 is inexpensive, but average cost hovers around $3,000, and high end photographers can charge upwards of $10,000. A few clever strategies can minimize costs and still capture those perfect moments on film. One strategy is to hire a skilled, yet less experienced photographer; however, this is not recommended without a reference or experience with that individual. While young, yet talented, photographers are trying to establish a name for themselves, they need to charge less to get business. Another strategy to cut costs is to marry on a Friday or limit the time commitment of the photographer. For example, most photographers will be available for pictures the entire wedding day; from the time the bride arrives at the salon through the reception. Consider scheduling the photographer just before the ceremony, as the bride and groom get ready to walk down the aisle, or meet for pre-ceremony photos. Some bride and grooms prefer the preparation time to be only with close family and friends, but consider the schedule carefully and make sure important moments are not missed.
To ensure that specific moments aren’t missed, provide the photographer with a must-have list of photos prior to the wedding day. A bride and groom are far too occupied with wedding day events and talking with friends and family to remember to tell their photographer to capture specific moments. A good photographer will know what moments to capture and how to stage a photograph, but they won’t know if a bride wants a photo with her two closest cousins, the groom with his fraternity brothers, or the parents dancing, for example. Also inform your photographer of specific settings and backdrops desired before and after the ceremony. A scenic park, alma mater, or urban setting can offer excellent settings for wedding party photos or just the bride and groom. If the wedding is moderate to large in size, it is a must that a photographer has an assistant to capture all the special moments, some of which are unpredictable.
There’s only one day to create beautiful and quality photographs for your wedding so carefully consider all these variables and ask the right questions when interviewing photographers. And, most importantly, ask to see a photographer’s work from previous clients. Once the photographer is booked, it is one step closer to the big day!
The Cake
There should be nothing stressful about choosing the wedding cake. Not to say that it’s not an important part of the day, but the wedding cake is light-hearted, delightful, and difficult to ruin. Difficult to ruin does not mean impossible to ruin, but when a professional is hired the result is almost certain to be quality.
Selecting the pastry chef is not a part of the wedding planning process that needs to occur during the early stages; unless, however, the desired pastry chef caters to Hollywood stars and royalty. Most brides should secure a pastry chef between 4 and 6 months before the wedding date, and the cake design won’t typically occur more than 2 months before the wedding day. The price of the cake can range extensively, from a couple hundred dollars to thousands, depending upon the size and degree of decoration. The more elaborate the decoration, the longer the time investment, and the more costly the cake. Forget those extravagant cakes with precious gems and metals that only the extremely wealthy and royalty can afford (the most expensive topping out at 1.65 million!). Pricing for normal people typically ranges from $1.50 to $12 per slice. If on a tight budget, consider having an edible top layer for the bride and groom to cut, while the remaining tiers are actually icing-covered foam. Sheet cakes are stashed in the back of the house, and guests are none the wiser. This, of course, isn’t an option if the bride and groom want to cake cut and served from the front of the house.
Icing type is an initial question that your pastry chef will ask. There are a few types of icing to consider, depending on the desired look, environmental conditions, and budget. Buttercream is a popular and most traditional type of icing. It’s the least expensive icing option, but tends to have a more traditional and simple appearance. If the cake will be displayed outside or in a warm environment, shortening is more resilient than butter so be sure to inform the bakery of cake location at the reception. Fondant icing has become very popular as of late, and can be used to create a very smooth, sleek and modern appearance. It’s extremely versatile and will stay firm in more extreme conditions. Fondant icing is more costly than buttercream, although some claim the taste is not as flavorful as other types of icing and somewhat thick and chewy. Whipped cream icing can create a beautiful, soft look and be sweet and light in taste, but is very susceptible to heat and humidity.
Don’t want a traditional wedding cake? Cupcakes have become a very popular alternative and can add some excitement to cake-cutting time. The pastry chef can create a tiered, cake shape look using a tiered cake stand, with a large cupcake on top for the bride and groom. Cupcakes are more casual, but can still have a place at a traditional wedding with sophisticated décor, such as fruit and flowers. Be aware that people tend to eat more cupcakes than slices of cake if there are different flavors to sample because they are appealing and mobile.
Selecting the wedding cake should be fun and easy. Enjoy the tasting and make sure the appropriate icing is selected for its place at the reception. And remember: everyone loves chocolate!
The Music
The musical entertainment is a memorable, emotional part of the wedding day, and typically something that bride thinks about well before she’s even engaged. Music can incite a lot of emotions in the wedding party, family, and even guests; from tears of joy for the couple, to sadness for deceased family members, to pure elation and fun. Care and time should be taken to select the appropriate music for the ceremony and reception so the mood of each part of the day is captured.
There are two distinct parts of the wedding day that involve music: the ceremony and the reception. Ceremony music can be live, such as a string quartet, organ, or vocals, or it can be recorded music. Generally, live music is more moving and interesting than recorded music, but it is also more costly. If the ceremony is held in a church, music options can be limited depending upon the denomination and church rules, so that certainly needs to be initially explored. If the ceremony is outdoors, weather conditions need to be carefully considered if string instruments are desired, because most musicians/performers will not perform above or below specific temperatures and in adverse weather conditions. If weather conditions are questionable, it is wise to have a tent on hand to cover the performers. It’s common for couples to involve a family member in the ceremony music, which usually involves them singing a traditional song like ave maria. This can be lovely, but only if that person has the skills to pull it off. If their skills are questionable, have that family member read a poem or recite a reading, and save the music for the professionals. Costs for professional musicians can range from $100 per hour for a piano or organ player to several hundred dollars for a string quartet. Depending upon the interests of the couple, live music can be very special and worth the money.
The reception music is the stage for more light-hearted fun and excitement. This is where, after a few cocktails, the gravity of the ceremony ends and the celebration begins. Therein lies the decision of whether to select a DJ or a band for the celebration. There are a few key factors that the bride and groom need to consider to make this choice: expense, guests, and type of venue. Typically, bands are significantly more expensive. Unless the group is just starting out, which should be approached with caution, live bands typically range from $2,500 to $5,000. The more prominent the band, the more costly, but most people can’t afford Katy Perry or Billy Joel to perform at their wedding. Know that some venues do not allow live music, and the bride and groom also need to consider their guests and perhaps a DJ is the best choice. A DJ gives guests more options to request favorite songs, and for the couple to select their specific wedding dance songs. If expense is a factor, average DJ costs range from $500 to $1,000.
The music is a part of the event that guests tend to remember, good or bad, so consider the type of music and songs selected in relation to the audience. Whatever is decided, the music should be special and fun, even if that means playing YMCA.
The Wedding Officiant
Throughout the wedding planning process most of the focus is on the dress, the menu, the flowers, the reception venue, the cake, and the honeymoon. While these are exciting and important parts of getting married, there is less focus on who marries the couple, which is a very significant part of the ceremony and should be carefully considered. A majority of couples know who will officiate their wedding before they even inquire, because the bride or groom has a family minister, pasture, or priest who they have known for many years. In this case, it’s only a matter of availability, but not every couple fits this scenario.
Initially, the couple will decide if they desire a religious or secular ceremony. This decision will determine largely who and where they can marry. The location is typically not a limiting factor; however, some catholic priests will not marry couples outside the location of their church, so that needs to be considered if the couple desires an outdoor or destination wedding. It is becoming more common that modern wedding officiants will perform both secular or religious ceremonies, and each to any varying degree of content. While these services are becoming more popular, they are still not overly common and much more rare when outside large cities.
Depending upon who is performing the ceremony cost can vary, but the officiant service is not one of the more costly components of a wedding. A simple civil ceremony typically ranges from $50 to $100. The average cost of a minister or priest is around $250. When a professional officiant is sought, they price increases and it usually depends upon the time investment of the officiant. Most professional officiants offer a range of packages, from a simple economy package to a detailed, intimate, and more costly package. The more expensive the package, the more time the officiant will spend on meeting with the couple, preparing the ceremony, and traveling to the wedding, which also involves the rehearsal and dinner. Professional officiants typically range from $150 to $500. They will offer the couple suggestions on wording, vows and readings, and, of course, they are responsible for mailing the marriage license to the county courthouse to be recorded, thus making the marriage legally binding.
While not part of the frills and glamour of a wedding day, the offciant is crucial for successful and special ceremony. The ceremony that the officiant delivers is truly the heart of the event that the bride and groom will always remember. So ensure that the wedding officiant is carefully selected to represent the couple’s relationship to their family and friends and, most importantly, to each other.
The Menu
What could possibly be more fun than selecting the wedding day menu? Everyone looks forward to the food, and it can be very memorable, good or bad, so be thoughtful and careful before making selections. While much is depending upon the caterer, choosing what’s on the menu and how it is served can also affect the success of cocktail and dinner hour. The food is almost always the most costly part of the wedding day, ranging from $30 to $70/plate for a more economic friendly wedding to $125 to $300 for a formal, luxurious event, with an average cost of $85/plate (reported by The Bridal Association of America).
First, the time of the reception should be considered, and that will determine the type and amount of food served. If the reception is during the lunch or dinner hour, then serving a full course meal is appropriate. Heavy hors d'oeuvres are certainly acceptable and have become a popular approach to wedding fare, but expect that older guests and traditional parents may prefer a meal. Either brunch or lunch can be served during the lunch hour, with the option of bloody marys and mimosas that are appealing and unique to that time of day. Although a lunch hour reception can offer a full bar, a lighter menu and bar is typically selected that time of day.
If a full feast is preferred, then comes the decision of whether the meal will be plated or buffet style. A plated served meal is always more costly because it requires more service staff, with a general rule of 1 server for every 15 guests and 1 bartender for every 50 guests for a full bar. If only wine and beer are served then 1 bartender for every 75 guests is acceptable. A plated meal is usually considered more formal, although a buffet style dinner should not be frowned upon, as long as the type of food is carefully selected. For instance, fish is typically not a good buffet choice since it can dry out and needs to stay viable for at least an hour. A caterer will usually be open to serving the head table so the wedding party can maintain a more formal appearance of not going through the buffet line. Just ensure that everyone’s food preferences are communicated to the catering staff prior to the wedding day.
While it’s certainly not ideal to exhaust the hors d’oeuvres before cocktail hour ends, be cognizant of not going too heavy or guests will over indulge prior to dinner. But if heavy hors d’ oeuvres are the main course, then you can’t go too heavy. Consider a carving station or a few substantial items that will satisfy your guests, such as sliders, lobster ravioli, or a taco bar. If serving dinner, lighter or at least smaller options are recommended, such as bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms, stuffed endive spears, or everyone’s favorite bacon-wrapped scallops!
Also, don’t forget your vegetarian friends. All caterers will offer a vegetarian option, and they certainly appreciate a vegetarian count provided before the wedding day, if possible. Although not required, consider any vegan guests and definitely guests who may have wheat, nut, or seafood allergies.
Before you make any food selections a food tasting is a must. Items that may look appealing on paper may not be as appealing to the pallet. Inevitably, some main course items or sides are discounted when a better one is discovered. Enjoy the tasting and selection process and make well thought-out choices to give guests another reason to rave about your wedding day!
The Honeymoon
One of the common questions that brides and grooms are asked during the wedding planning doesn’t have anything to do with the wedding day at all, and that is: where is the honeymoon destination? While a honeymoon isn’t a necessary part of getting married, most couples choose to take the traditional romantic get-a-way after the chaos and excitement of the big day.
The origin of the term honeymoon is derived from the Old English hony moone, of which hony refers to the sweetness of the new marriage, and also a reference to the European custom of giving newlyweds enough mead, “an alcoholic liquor made by fermenting honey and water,” to last a month. This was supposed to keep a couple happy. Moon refers to how long that sweetness will probably last, or from the changing aspect of the moon, from full to waning. While the origins the term honeymoon is interesting and somewhat amusing, its modern-day meaning has changed significantly and hopefully more romantic and lasting than a month-long euphoria.
Initially, the couple should decide what type of honeymoon they want: leisurely and quiet or exciting and active, or a combination of both. This decision will affect the itinerary and maybe even the destination. Since the wedding planning process is hectic and time-consuming, a travel agent or an on-line planning website is recommended for providing options and making the arrangements.
A very popular honeymoon destination is an all-inclusive resort in a tropical location. This usually lends to a relaxing get-a-way with the option of outdoor excursions, such as snorkeling, zip-lining, or tours of the local culture. All-inclusive can offer exceptional deals, ranging from $800 to upwards of $3,000 per person for a week, with an average cost of $1,500 per person, with the price including airfare, lodging, food, alcohol, and some recreational activities. Adult only resorts are typically preferred by newlyweds, since they will have plenty of years of dealing with kids a head of them. A minor tip that is an unwritten courtesy at all-inclusive resorts: most resorts will advertise that tips are included in the cost, and while that is true, tipping is very appreciated by service staff, and could elicit some special attention from a bartender, server or maid service.
Adventurous bride and groom? Trips to Europe or South America are exciting options that offer multiple destinations, cultures, and environments. This type of honeymoon will require more extensive planning, more responsibility for the bride and groom, and are more costly. These trips can cost between $1,500 to upwards of $6,000, with costs increasing as destinations are added. Foreign language skills aren’t typically required but they certainly can make communication and navigation easier.
Whatever type of honeymoon a bride and groom choose, there’s one general rule that is always wise to follow: leave two days after the wedding day. This allows for any family events and last minute packing the next day, and, most importantly, time to open gifts!
All the Details
When all the vendors are booked, the dress is purchased, the flowers are chosen, and the menu is selected, it’s time to think about all the details; the finishing touches that add small but memorable style and character to any wedding. Along with the details that guests see, and hopefully commend, there are also behind the scenes necessities that make the event seamless and enjoyable. Most of these details can wait until the eleventh hour, but need to be considered prior to then so they are not forgotten.
A detail that shouldn’t be delayed until the eleventh hour, but can’t be completed until all the RSVPs are received and the seating chart is complete, is the place cards. Venues do not typically require the seating chart until two week to ten days before the wedding day. Place cards can be as simple as a folded piece of card stock to a mini frame or stanchion displaying the name and table number; although pricier place card displays can certainly add up, with costs from $2 to $5 per person. However, there are many creative economical ways to display place cards, such as a bulletin board or attaching a scratch-off lottery ticket to the place card that adds some extra excitement!
Another detail that requires some moderate time and planning are the wedding party gifts. It’s always thoughtful to give at least 1 personalized gift to each bridesmaid and groomsmen, and any other gifts can be standardized. Monogramming is very popular and classy, but consider more personalized gifts for each person, if time and money allows. One important thing to note, bridesmaids and groomsmen are very touched and appreciative of these personalized gifts, so put it’s worth putting lots of thought into this detail. And don’t forget parents! A traditional gift that parents value is an engraved frame with the couple’s wedding date to be filled with the parent’s wedding photo of choice.
Some simpler wedding day details include: the guest book or matted photograph of the couple to sign, the card box, how Mr. & Mrs. will depart from the reception, tips for the service staff, bag of necessities for the bride (i.e., tissues, deodorant, flip flops, mints, make-up), and the signature cocktail.
Whatever details the bride and groom chooses for their wedding day, it is a way for the couple to illustrate their personal style and gratitude to their wedding party and parents. Usually one month before the big day, most of the hard work and decisions are complete, so this is the time to work out the wedding day details, and hopefully taking the time to enjoy these small tasks. This should be a stress-free time, so the bride to be can gather her bridesmaids for wine and hors d'oeuvre for an evening of place card-making!
The Big Day
Everything is done and the big day has arrived. It’s time to relax and enjoy every moment of a very important and special day. There is a common piece of advice that married people will give engaged couples: throughout the excitement and activity of the wedding day, stop, at least once, look around at all the family and friends who are there for you, look at your new spouse, and soak it in.
Wake up early but not too early. It’s a long, emotional day for the bride and groom, so enough sleep is key is enjoying everyone and everything to the maximum extent possible. So perhaps those cocktails or glasses of wine at the rehearsal dinner (but not too many!) will assist when it may be difficult to find sleep with so much to think about. Second rule: eat a decent breakfast and stay hydrated. Once wedding day tasks begin, it’s very easy to forget to drink water, especially when celebratory drinks are consumed. Third rule: brides, don’t forget to wear a button down shirt, as to not ruin that awesome up-do; grooms, don’t do too many shots with the guys, and send your bride a thoughtful gift before the ceremony.
Now for the ceremony: look at each other and think about the important commitment that is being made. Look around at your guests, make eye contact with some special ones, and, mostly importantly, look at your parents in a way to let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Vows should be stated with volume and purpose. There are countless ceremonies where guests cannot hear the vows, which doesn’t sufficiently display the love and commitment and is being expressed. Although the bride and groom may have a touch of nerves, use the microphone so guests can truly experience the ceremony.
With the ceremonial elements complete, the fun and excitement of the reception begins. While the newlyweds want to interact with every guest, it’s virtually impossible to accomplish this. But, the good thing is, guests understand, but effort should be made to talk with as many guests as possible, especially grandparents, aunts and uncles.
Some advice on dancing: make it a point to dance with important members of the families. It’s memorable and older family members always appreciate it. Dollar dance? It’s not a classy element, and especially if the couple is older with established careers. Brides, avoid dancing provocatively with anyone, including your new husband. It’s not tasteful in general, and grandma and grandpa are watching! Its okay if the bride and groom want to get down on the dance floor, but don’t spend the entire reception dancing to Ice Ice Baby. There are lots of photo opportunities to take advantage of and important conversations with friends and family to be had.
While the wedding day is a long, busy, emotional day, it will seem like a flash in the pan when it’s over so savor every moment. While it’s an old tradition for the bride and groom to exit the reception well before the end, nobody wants to miss out on the fun of their reception; however, don’t stay and help load the car or gather belongings after the reception is over. The newlyweds should an exit together, and others will handle the logistics. You’ve spent a good portion of the day with friends and family, and now it’s time to be married. Congratulations Mr. and Mrs.!