What is ideal of a person?

As somebody in a committed relationship, I sure do write a lot about love. But it's not really about what I write — it's about how I can make an impact on someone's life through a worldwide medium where people share varying perspectives.

Because people so often seek companionship, it comes as no surprise that many have turned to social media platforms as a means to find love. Social media enables people across the globe to connect, to have someone to talk to and listen to. But connection and companionship are deeper than a screen can offer — and that raises some timeless questions.

What does love mean in a romantic relationship? Is love simply a word used to make someone happy, or to make someone believe? Is real love about romance, or is it about intimacy?

Being someone's ideal — fascinating and appealing — doesn't always come from searching for that one perfect person. As a woman, I know it's easy to find someone who is physically appealing. But physical attraction alone isn't a connection. It's just sex. And there are women — and men — who are simply looking for lust, with no deeper bond. That reality leads so many of us to the same frustrated question: Why can't I find a good man or woman to settle down with?

Maybe it's because we've been conditioned — by society, by social media, by our own experiences — to believe that the good ones are gone. That we're "in the coop," as they say, surrounded by a corrupted idea of what gender and partnership should look like. But that simply isn't true.

As Lewis Howes once said, "A healthy relationship is one where two independent people just make a deal that they will help make the other person be the best version of themselves." There's no single article or rulebook on how to find or become an ideal partner — but there is wisdom worth considering.

Psychologist and marriage counselor Randi Gunther, in her piece "The 11 Most Desirable Qualities in a Partner" for Psychology Today, draws on decades of experience observing people who consistently succeed in long-term intimate relationships. The qualities people most commonly seek in a partner often sound like this:

• "I need to feel that chemistry between him and me."

• "I'm only interested in a woman who can pay her way."

• "I can't handle men who are insecure or too needy."

• "I like women who are confident."

• "He has to tell me the truth about who he is and what he's done."

• "She needs to feel the same way about things that are important to me."

• "He needs to treat me like I'm really special and important."

• "She has to know how to communicate."

These are all valid desires. But Gunther points out that they are, in reality, driven by deeper personal qualities that lie beneath the surface — and those surface-level characteristics are not always sustainable over time. What does sustain love and commitment, she argues, are core beliefs and personal philosophies: the kind that show up gradually, in how someone treats people, handles adversity, and chooses to live a meaningful life.

In a world as beautifully diverse as ours — across age, gender, and sexuality — I believe that the right connection is out there for everyone. Whether you're looking for lasting love or simply trying to understand yourself better through the relationships you form, the search itself teaches us something. And maybe that's the point. The ideal partner isn't a checklist. They're the person who helps you become the best version of yourself — and who trusts you to do the same for them.